Interwoven Trajectories

Wenger (1998) describes identity as “multiple interwoven trajectories,” linking membership to different communities simultaneously. This essay is partially a plea for help: my trajectories are unravelling. Halfway through the first year of a Professional Doctorate, if I can use the term ‘academic’ at all, it must be preceded by ‘novice’. But I’d be more comfortable altogether if I didn’t use the term at all. I have failed, so far, to weave the identity of academic into my sense of self.

I had not realised that the new role of researcher would be so difficult to incorporate. I knew—instinctively as well as theoretically—that our identities are being negotiated all the time; I had recognised and embraced my multiple role identities of (amongst others) mother, teacher, wife, friend, runner. The prospect of adding one more role identity into the mix did not ring any alarm bells. I was unaware, at the time of applying for the programme, that the specific identity roles of teaching and research are cited as potentially in conflict with each other (Xerri, 2017); I was blissfully unaware of the tensions I was about to unleash within my sense of self.